Well that’s a hiatus and a half. I’ve not really had the inspiration to write a blog for a while – although I had a colourful summer of sea breezes, Smuggler’s coves, fossils and revisiting childhood places with both good and not so good memories. I’m only going to write about a week I spent in the South of England as I have rather a lot to say about that and this will take enough reading!
We’ve had the Equinox and now the clocks have gone back. Darkness has been busy drawing in on us and displacing more of light since June. I’m already starting to enjoy the chillier touches this season brings and enjoying lighting candles to keep the light glowing against the dimness. Samhain or Halloween is tomorrow. I’ve done a pumpkin!! I tried to grow one but the summer was too wet – my plant produced one solitary pumpkin measuring 14 inches round!
Saying that I did drive past a nature verge today and saw that marigolds and cornflowers were still flowering – it has been so mild.
They bring back memories of my solo holiday this August to Hampshire and Dorset.
I had gone to Hampshire to my uncle’s wedding which was really lovely to be invited to. My mum and her sister both went only one was absent – their brother who appears to have fallen out with the whole of the family for silly reasons really. It was lovely to see my uncle and his long time partner and their three lovely children have such a happy day. We had argued about the EU referendum with me wanting to remain and him wanting to leave. I’d just assumed he was a massive racist but then his best man was Asian so perhaps needed to recalibrate my opinions to xenophobe instead! But despite the arguments it’s amazing how you can iron out differences of opinion in order to get along and focus on the real things that matter like family etc.
After the wedding I decided to do a little road trip to the places I spent my childhood until I was 11 when we were in the army.
I went to Bordon Camp in Hampshire with my mum. We drove round all the military house estate and found each house that we’d lived in in St Lucia Park. It was amazing – they looked the same but seemed smaller than I remembered. St Lucia Park still had some occupants, but not many and the silence made me very aware of how long ago we were here and how time marches on and brings change in swathes.
Where my old play school stood is now a small housing estate. Both the infant and junior school are still there and look very similar – just got new names. The playing fields at the back also seem smaller than they were. I remember us all running down to the bottom of them when military Chinook helicopters landed in the one next to ours!
We also went to look at Station House which is where my grandparents lived and where I was abused as a child by my grandfather. It might seem a bit weird but there were also some good memories attached to the house and I think it is probably cathartic to go there. Unfortunately we approached the house from the front, having driven up the industrial estate that the house is at the end of, and we couldn’t see much. The trees that were there 37 years ago had clearly grown. The house looked in poor repair and my uncle tells us it is now owned by a car sales man and used as the business base. It did evoke some upset feelings and, despite the trees, I could see a small window at the top of the house that he used to look out of to check no one was coming back when I was in the house with him. But also nicely punctuated how far I’ve come in coming to terms with things that happened and being able to move on from them in the last few years. So in that case I think it was a positive thing. I’m not sure how it was for my mum – I’m guessing lots of mixed emotions too.
My mum left the day after the wedding, so I took it upon myself to find the old house she lived in in Alton – again still standing and quite a nice looking house. I took a photo of it so she could see. Then before I travelled to the New Forest I decided to go and visit Station House again. Instead of driving round to the front I decided to drive round the back and through the woods. I ended up driving up Bolley Avenue where all the officers’ houses used to be and still are. This led me down a lane through the woods – I couldn’t remember it well as it has been nearly 31 years since I’d been there, so i went too far and it led me to a Heathland nature reserve. I turned the car round and went back along the dark green wooded lane. Funnily enough I noticed a baby bird – blackbird I think just sat at the side of the road, just where a rough track showed a way through the woods towards the small row of houses where Station House stood at the end of. I parked my car and set off on foot along this path– looking to the sides I could see mixed woodland – mainly oak, but further into the darker heart of the woods could see the low branches of pines. The scenery was all a bit like a Grimm fairytale and indeed the dark heart of many of their yarns have a lot of grounding in reality. I have memories of my grandfather taking me for a walk in there and that evoked some chilling thoughts. Although I was very happy to say it didn’t affect me as much as I was expecting it too. Probably because I know I’m safe and loved and thanks to EMDR therapy I’m less and less affected by it. That’s the result any ex-victim can only hope for.
Anyway that’s for the catharsis, now for the better bits. This path did lead round the back of the row of houses, with Station House, straight in front of me – my first thought was – what a state! The house is massive with an amazing garden that my grandparents made into an oasis of plants, flowers, vegetables and wildlife. Now it is mainly overgrown. I remembered my dad used to push me and my sisters round in a wheelbarrow when we were little. I have a picture standing outside it in dungarees – I may try to dig it out and add it. The massive pond that housed Koi, frogs, newts, dragonflies and other creature treats has gone – filled in but not really much in its place. I fell in that pond when I was three. I can’t have been in there long but it felt like minutes – I went right under and remember opening my eyes and seeing lots of green, fish and water plants. My younger sister helped get me out and raised the alarm! The house was looking in a certain state of disrepair too. Around and about there were the bodies of cars. These had evidently been there quite some time as grass had grown up and around them, almost entirely covering them. Cars sunk in a sea of grass.
I snuck around the end of the garden where my uncle used to keep his chickens and ducks – now just a grassed area – however the old cobnut tree that I remember so well was still there! I couldn’t believe it – that was a good memory. My nana used to bash it with a stick to get the nuts off – if the squirrels hadn’t eaten them first! I hopped over a collapsed wire fence and into the garden – a bit risky I know but worth it as I found some cobnuts on the floor! I collected a few up and put them in my pocket. Then I took one last look around, drew in some breath and took in the smells of leaf mold, pine and other foresty aromas, and then started to make my way back along the sandy track through the woods towards my car. I have kept the cobnuts – I might try to grow them into trees once I get somewhere of my own to live – at least I’ll have taken something productive from Station House from the good times it had to offer.
After this big event I pottered on in my red Hyundai Getz looking like a female postman pat! On I went towards the New Forest. But not before I screeched to a halt in a chocolate box village of Oakhangar and managed to take a photo of a chocolate box cottage – but not before virtually grounding my car by pulling onto a raised kerb – crunch!!!
Luckily I didn’t do any horrific damage and I made it to the New Forest. I stayed in an Air bnb property – the more I stay in these places the more I like it. As I arrived and pulled into the private drive of the place I was staying at two New Forest Ponies were ambling along towards me. The houses were massive – I could probably afford two bricks of them – but beautiful properties and what a lovely place to live.
That evening I took the chance to meet up with a friend I hadn’t seen for around 28 years. We were both 11 when we last saw each other. I can’t post a photo for confidentiality reasons but we have a good one and we didn’t look all that different from when we were children! We knew a lot about each other from social media but still had loads to fill each other in with. We have an old early 90s style video of us somewhere – we’ll have to try to get it on DVD so we can all have a copy! I was so pleased to have met up with her – what a lovely evening!! The next day I visited the New Forest reptile centre, around which I did a walk and saw a buttery Brimstone butterfly with spring green underwings – perhaps where these insects get their names from. I visited Lymington and the Knightwood Oak – one of the oldest oaks in the country. Amazing to think of the time it’s stood there!
After this I went onwards to Dorset. I stopped off at Furzey gardens which was a beautifully place full of fairy doors and the excited sound of children looking for them. I bought my nephew a fairy door from here and he loves it!
Once in Dorset I stayed at Winfrith Newburgh in a green garden shed! My host had purpose built a little hut with a kitchenette, a shower room, bed, TV. I also had Wifi! What a brilliant idea. Every morning I woke up to the clucks of chickens too. She also welcomed me with a loaf of homemade bread, homemade marmalade, milk and butter.
From this base I did a walking tour of Bovington Camp. This is where I met the friend I saw in Hampshire. I revisited my old Middle School, my sister’s old school and the places that we lived – Elles Road. Again not much had changed here – even the garage doors were painted the same bright blue that always reminded me of this house. I even think the seesaw in the local park is the same one that was there when all three of us were kids.
I also did a walk that we did all the time when we were kids with our mum and the dog. It was along part of the Frome Valley Trail and started from Andover Green estate. It took my past a very big clearing which still has dead trees standing in it – I always felt that bit was a bit eerie and I wondered why the trees had died?
The trail goes on into denser woods. The soil is extremely sandy and we used to have lots of rare creatures that like it around here.
I was hoping the pond was still there – at a point off to the left of the main path, another path used to take you to a pond – possibly man made, where we used to go, the dog used to swim, we wade across it to a little island in the middle and play. My friend cut her foot once very badly on an old tin or piece of glass that was there – she still has the scar to this day I think. One of the summers we were there I found some toad spawn – I took a small amount and raised them into toadlets and then released them back there. I had them in a fish tank in the garden and as they increasingly went through their metamorphosis, I lowered the water and put rocks in so they could get out and breathe. We remember one morning my mum saw a fox cub drinking from their tank. She also grew some kale that year and came out one morning to find the plants stripped to the stalks! She told me off for feeding it all to my cabbage white caterpillars that I had in an empty ice cream tub (also released these once they completed their change to butterflies). However she woke the next morning very early, looked out the window and saw the real culprits – fallow deer that had jumped over the fence and had come back for the stalks!
We had lots of wildlife in that area, and despite the military using a lot of the heath and land for exercises, they also preserved many habitats so we had natterjack toads, sand snakes, rare newts, rare Skipper and blue butterflies and others. Despite us having a dog and next dog having a nutty Springer Spaniel which used to like to retrieve hedgehogs into their house and was always covered in ticks, the creatures didn’t seem to mind.
Anywhere the pond still exists! Was more difficult to get to and more overgrown. Maybe children aren’t allowed to come here or roam as much as we did. As I made my way through the boggy ground and under hanging tree branches a few creatures came to look at me – a blue damselfly like a little fairy settled next to my foot, a cloud of skippers rose up from some small white flowers, a red admiral butterfly tried to land on my head, and a baby frog crossed my path. If this doesn’t sound already a bit Alice in Wonderland, I found a patch of tiny wild strawberries – I picked one and ate it – delicious! It didn’t make me shrink though!
I tried to get a bit further down the trail after having visited the pond – but I only got so far as it was flooded in one part. I tried to skirt around the flood – balancing on planks of wood someone had purposefully place over some of the puddles – I managed to find a slightly raised path alongside the main one, however it was lined by prickly gorse with their perfumed, sunshiney yellow flowers, and eventually the path narrowed to a point where I was starting to feel like a pincushion, so i made my way back. The path would have eventually led to a village called Morton. It is a really beautiful place and me and my friend and sometimes middle sister used to cycle there by ourselves to walk there with the dog during summer holidays. Because I couldn’t get there from this way I drove to Morton and did the rest of the walk from the other way back up towards the flood. On this part of the walk I remembered big trees lining some fields and then further along an old house/cottage hidden away behind bushes – I was interested to see that was still there. I was unsure if it was lived in as couldn’t see any signs of people being there.
Morton is a very small village of thatched cottages, beautiful and peaceful and it was lovely to spend some time there and with the memories it awakened. I always remembered a ford at Morton, but hadn’t quite preserved an accurate memory of it. Where the Frome Valley Trail ended you had to cross the ford over a bridge – or if it was summer we waded across it as it wasn’t deep. I think I had remembered the bridge differently and the shape of the ford. However I remembered the water as being crystal clear – and it didn’t disappoint. On the way back from my walk I could see the fry of fish swimming and straight through to the pebbles. The cottage nearest the ford is obviously used to and happy for families and children visitors to the ford, and had provided pond dipping nets with a sign saying feel free to borrow. It was too tempting not to take my shoes and socks off and paddle (as this day was quite hot), even though it was mainly kids doing it – I thought what the hell! The water was incredibly cooling and relaxing – something lovely about water running over skin.
On my way in I had noticed the church which I hadn’t remembered from my childhood – not sure whether we never went to look or if I’d forgotten. It’s not too far from the ford, and absolutely one of the loveliest little churches I’ve seen. It doesn’t have stained glass windows but the glass is etched. Absolutely lovely. I spent some time looking around that before going on my way.
I spent a morning at Monkey World which was set up to provide sanctuary to apes which have been subject to abuse. Some of the stories were heartbreaking, but I was gladdened to see they had reasonable standard of living now and the conservation work the centre does. Still something about a load of humans staring at our closest relatives still makes me uneasy and sad. One young Orang-utan followed a boy along the boundary of his enclosure and seemed fascinated by the boys hi-viz vest. He kept reaching out as if to touch him.
My most active day was when I did a coastal walk from Osmington Mills to Burning Cliff. It was a day of mixed weather. I set off from the Smugglers Inn pub which is also etched into my memory – I remember stopping off with my mum and dad and sisters for lunch there sometimes after we’d been shopping in Weymouth. I think the last thing I ate there as a child was a ploughman’s salad! Always remember food!
What a lovely walk – it certainly blew away the cobwebs as although I got sunburnt on my legs, the wind was strong enough to stop me dead and blow me into a barbed wire fence at one point!! Good job it was blowing inland or I don’t think I’d be sitting writing this now!! Power of nature reminding us how fragile we are by sweeping us off our feet!
Along the way I was lucky to see countless butterflies dancing in and out of the coastal hedges, skippers, woodland browns, marbled whites (lovely to see), red admirals, peacocks among others. I narrowly missed an adder sighting – would have loved to see one. I spent the walk surrounded by turquoise sea and brilliantly azure skies. I passed the skeleton of a long wrecked ship. The wind tangled my hair and blew salt onto my skin. I sat for ages on a Jurassic beach and as soon as I sat down put my hand on a stone with ammonites in it. I also found a stone with the pattern of a heart and another with what looked like the impression of a shark’s tooth. These stones had absorbed the heat of the sun and were warm to touch. I came across a stream with many colourful rocks in its base – I thought of it as the rainbow stream! It also brought to mind an Austrian story I read at University when studying German called Bunte Steine.
Towards the end of the walk I was going through a field with cows in it, adeptly scooting around the wet cow pats – however I clearly hadn’t learnt from a very similar incident as a child whilst on a school trip and trod on what looked like a dry one, only to find like a good chocolate fondant, it was gooey in the middle! Yuk – took a while to get that off my walking boots!
At the end of the walk I had a three course meal at Smugglers, mackerel pate, crayfish salad and a toffee cake. Yum!
I then drove to a view point of the Osmington white horse. It was at that point that I heard from a friend who is very unwell. I had planned to pay her a visit on my way back home but unfortunately she was too unwell. I hope she is managing ok.
You might have thought I had done enough walking that day – however I decided I hadn’t! I went to Lulworth cove in the afternoon – a beautiful place we used to come as kids. I sat there a while in peace and happiness watching two dads competitively skimming stones with their respective sons. Then I set off on the arduous mile up a sheer hill towards the Durdle Door. The wind was still strong, so by the time I got down there my hood was up – it is a really spectacular place and the walk was definitely worth it.
On my way back towards home I stopped for an hour or so in Shaftesbury at the recommendation of my friend I met in Hampshire. I saw the ‘Hovis Hill’ Gold Hill and ate a massive slab of Dorset apple cake with a huge serving of clotted cream at the café at the top of the hill. And everything was right with the world!
I had such a wonderful time rediscovering my childhood and there were definitely more good than bad bits. I didn’t mind going on my own either – it was nice to spend time in my own company!
My journey home saw me stop at a rose garden and also a walled garden – both stunning in their own way, I could have stayed in the latter for ages it was so peaceful.
Other than that my summer has been very pleasant – I developed an obsession with a pop up bakery of Edward Street fame.
Before my holiday in June I visited a fire installation by Compagnie Carabosse in Harrogate Valley Gardens – it was so beautiful and worth the trip. I hope they come back next year.
I enjoyed the Saltaire festival, saw a bit of the Marsden Jazz festival. I have enjoyed buying produce from local producers particularly with my friend up on the hill.
I’ve spent precious time with family and friends (they all know who they are and I love you all). A couple of friends are having difficult times at the moment so I hope things start to look up for them.
I’ve struggled to find the light in Leeds with one – although something glittery appeared overhead.
I’ve had a holiday with my niece and nephew which although tiring was lovely.
I had a weekend visit from a friend I haven’t seen for years – spent a bright sunny day in York followed by a grey day at Fountains’ Abbey!
I also recently discovered a place near to me with Brimham Rocks – what a stunning day that was too!
I’ve discovered residents of Saltaire are particularly thoughtful:
Quite a good moto for life I feel!
Now it’s the end of October I’ve carved a pumpkin for pumpkin day- it’s a cat!
Here’s to a Winter full of love and warmth.
Blog time again. The above word has been one I’ve thought off quite a bit the last couple of months. When I last wrote we were bathing in gingery, copper and golden hues of Autumn and the unseasonably warm weather than seemed to keep the hopefulness of summer alive for a bit longer.
shaktiunleashed 